It ran in the family... reflections and a wish on #internationalwomensday

Like so many, I too am reflecting on how to honor women on #internationalwomensday. I thought about how I might highlight sheroes or stories, or point to reports, data, and trends for women in the workplace since that's (unfortunately) always a thing to acknowledge these days. But when I stop thinking so hard about what I am called to highlight, and I listen to what’s really coming up for me, I think of a quote that was shared in recent weeks by a Coach and Neuroscience Expert who inspires me, Ann Betz. She was quoting a friend.

"It ran in the family until it ran into me."

What a powerful statement.

My first reflections are around what it means to unpack this personally. I can conjure a long list of things from my family that “ran into me,” that I have been fortunate to stop in their tracks. I also think about things that have not stopped – patterns I see but aren’t so easy for me to break. They might be engrained across complex systems that I can't affect on my own, or I sense there is work that remains before I am "done" with it. I think about the uncertainty and fear that calls up, and I find myself emboldened by the phrase “…until it ran into me.” I know that I have power to choose my perspective and my response, even if I can not control others or the surrounding circumstances.

Then my thoughts travel to how many women there are in my immediate and extended family. I wonder how many of them are working on patterns too. I am confident most are. Our blended-family unit is like all families, with generations of one type of dysfunction or another. I am one of 3 daughters in my blended-family, 2 in my family of origin. My mother is one of 7 daughters in her family of origin. I know many of them declared the buck would stop with them on one issue or another and were successful on many fronts. I also see some patterns that continue within our unit. Though I do not want patterns that hold us back for any of us, I find comfort in remembering we all are human, and so I know they live with fear and uncertainty too. I also find comfort in seeing the potential for growth, if all of them too are saying, "until it ran into me." Look at how a person, then a family, could transform.

That leads me to reflecting on the amplification potential of women who are breaking patterns across the world. So many know when it’s time for the buck to stop. I wonder, what level of success are they having? Are we hearing and honoring their stories so that we are all empowered to keep moving through fear and uncertainty? What level of success do women have as individuals - where we have some control over our own perspective at least. And then at what level collectively? And how much do we really see of each other? How much do we celebrate for or with each other when progress is made? Or on the flip side, support each other when it feels like we are spinning wheels? How many women really do that for each other, while others are still mired in "what's in it for me," or "Queen Bee" syndrome or cluelessness about the potential we have collectively. I think about the way social media helps expose the wins and the continued trials. And still, I know there is a lot we do not see under the surface.

I like to imagine the potential for millions of women across the world to stop unhealthy patterns in their tracks, whether their own patterns, or the ones that belong to system dynamics they are subject to. I like to imagine that one day we will look back on this era of inequity, division, fear and uncertainty with awestruck amazement at what we were collectively able to overcome. No matter the pattern you are experiencing, whether individually, within relationships, in your family, or ways that extends into your work-life, wellbeing or any combination thereof. No matter whether it is a chronic condition or illness, physical or emotional abuse, lacking access to resources like education or money, addiction, stealing or dishonesty, abandonment, co-dependence, falling inert or helpless, exhaustion, inequity at home or work, generational poverty, some other thing I have not mentioned, or likely, some combination. (I could make a whole post just on patterns or issues people experience). Regardless of the pattern, my hope, wish, solemn request and focus, is that women (and men, I'm not leaving you out! but today especially, women) have the insight, resources, and the tenacity to do something about what is not serving them or their families, and the humility to recognize stuck so that they can get started.

The things that run into us, challenge us, are the things that get in the way of our individual and collective potential. Our wellbeing, relationships, and performance potential are thwarted. May whatever runs into you become a gift - a lesson learned, truth told, victory gleaned, a wound or relationship healed; may the buck stop with you so that we all have a better chance at living better together.

“It ran in the family until it ran into me.” What a powerful statement of potential to ponder.

FYI:

• You can find Ann's post and poem, "You are Ending the Story of Pain" here.

• And I chose the photo, myself in early mothering-mode, because it seemed fitting for the hope that these reflections give me.